It began with a dream that began just moments before waking up. A reunion with a friend I haven’t talked to since graduation. We embraced. I sat down on the knoll beside him and asked him about his family. He began to share his story and I was comforted by our renewed friendship and then . . .
I woke up.
I lay there thinking about what it might be like if we were to be in contact again. Of all people, why couldn’t this friend be on Facebook!? And then I realized, neither of us are probably the same. It’s been several years. And then it hit me hard . . . and I was standing at the sink crying. Silly.
I have no close friend. I have no male confidant. There’s no one to hang with, share with, be real with and know that when I’m with them, it’s okay to be, well me (and feel good about it.)
I’ve never really had that. And so the tears fell and the questions started rolling in. Is it me? Have I pushed people away? Am I looking in the wrong direction? And . . . Is there any chance of a friendship like this in my future? Sometime soon? What if that never happens?
I have my wife and she is a tremendous blessing but she’s female. And at times I need to be her rock and shelter and she doesn’t need me to be blubbering. To be honest, there are some things (even though she would try) that she just wouldn’t understand.
I have my Lord for Whom I am most grateful but even He understands that we need those earthly friendships to strengthen us. He left this earth asking us to be His hands to reach out and help, His arms to hug, His feet to walk along beside, His compassion to listen and love.
And so my journey continues but my resolve is more earnest . . . to pray for, wait for that friendship that could make me even stronger, more confident, and a little more at peace.